Status: Dating

I'm happy to announce that after much deliberation I have come to a decision:  Jacob and I are now officially dating.  We are actually getting to know each other outside of the bedroom.  I think it's a much harder task but, so far it's been worth it.  He really wants to meet Margo but, I told him not yet.  I'm so guarded when it comes to her.  I just know that every other week her father brings home another girlfriend and I think it's completely irresponsible not to mention confusing for Margo.  Karen said that technically Jacob and I have been together for almost a year so there is no reason he shouldn't meet Margo.  I beg to differ, sex is different than dating.  One hopes to have sex with the person they are dating but...well, everyone knows that doesn't always happen.  Anyhow, so Karen thinks Jacob should meet Margo.  She is right that we've known each other for almost a year and yes, we've been sleeping together for almost a year.  Does that warrant him getting to meet my child?  For fuck's sake, relationships can be so complicated!

Trust Fund Baby

So, my "friend" and I were having lunch today and he made a comment about how children who inherited trust funds grow up to be spoiled, selfish,  and have no work ethic.  I'm not sure why he was speaking so harshly on the subject but, he's young so any passing thought he has he makes into a huge speech.  Anyhow, his apparent annoyance for trust fund babies continued and I just had to say something.  I mean here I am trying to eat my salad and stare at his messy hair that falls into his beautiful brown eyes and he's bitching about rich kids.  When he interrupted my day dreams with his bitching I told him that, as a matter of fact, I was a "trust fund baby" and that it ain't all it's cracked up to be. 
First someone you love has to die in order to leave you a trust.  In my case it was my father who actually brought love and warmth into my home when I was a child.  When I was 13 he died.  My mother became even more icy and I lived the rest of my teenage years trying to get the hell out of the house.  Yes, having money is fantastic, it's great.  But, I would give every penny back if it meant that my father was still alive. After saying this, my "friend" looked at me like puppy who had just been scolded and apologized.  Then I realized that it's not his fault he doesn't know anything about me.  I mean we've been, urm, umm "friends" for 10 months and I don't go out on actual "dates" with him.  He's never been to my house, nor I to his.  Of course, he's never met Margo.  Although, he does know about her.  Really, today I came to the realization that for the past 10 months I've been sleeping with a complete stranger and I thought to myself, what's wrong with this guy?  Or really what the fuck is wrong with ME?!!! My head has been in the clouds (or pillows).  So, the next question I am poised to ask, What should I do next?  Do I care if I'm 10 years older?  Does it really matter that he's an intern and earns as much money a month as I spend in one shopping trip to Macy's?  Am I using him for sex? Or is he using me?  Am I a cougar?  At 35 can you be a cougar?  He does have a degree...that's one thing I look for in a guy.  He's very sweet. Is it worth it?  I've been burned so many times, is it really worth it?   What the fuck and I going to do?!!  So, yeah, I think I'm going to stop watching the surf and ride the wave and see where things go with Jacob.

I begged Karen to go out with me last night since I'm kid free for the weekend.  She of course agreed, as my best friend she has an obligation to watch me get shit faced drunk and then take me home and hold my hair while I pray to the porcelain gods.
I managed to get a couple of numbers last night.  None of which I will be calling.  I'm not the type to act desperate and call a man and I'm surely not going to give  my number out to losers.  A city as big as New York and you'd think I'd manage to meet someone worth my time.  Oh sure, I've had my fair share of lovers but, over the last year it looks like the well is going dry.  The cute intern in by building if fun, yes, very fun.  But, he's 25.  Not exactly the mature, polished, well traveled type I'm going to invest a long term relationship with.  Maybe I'll try one of those dating websites, or not.
I think I'll just keep having fun quickies with my 25 year old and then I can go home at the end of the day, not worry about the hassles of a real relationship and use my extra energy doing what I do best shopping.
So, I'm off to conquer this Saturday.  First stop, Starbucks.  Second stop, Bloomingdales!!!!

Tip #1

Brought back from a near mid-thirties crisis I decided to evoke the powers from within and I did a little soul searching (and some shopping) and I must say, I am feeling much better.  Maybe it was the evening I spent alone letting my wine glass fill with tears or maybe it was the four hours I spent trying on sexy lingerie and other little bits...whatever it was I think it was cathartic.  I lived in France for two years in college.  I not only managed to master the language but, I learned a few things about being seductive.  Women in France are huge believers in truly sexy undergarments.  Lace and silk are a must.  What surprised me most though was that even in the plainest outfits these women were sexy. What was it? Well, they had a secret under their shapeless smocks... 
It's amazing what a good bra and lacy panties will do for you!  I swear I feel like all eyes are on me again and the thing is, no one knows what I'm wearing underneath all my clothes except me and well, maybe that Intern from the 15th floor :)
So, bringing sexy back tip number one is:  Go buy a sexy new bra and panties!

Bringing it back

After picking Margo up from her father's apartment she starts telling me that she met his new moose.  I was incredibly confused and said, "Daddy has a pet moose?"  Margo continues, very excited, "Well YES!! Her name is Vicky and she's not as pretty as you mommy."  Hmm...a moose that wasn't as pretty as me.
I called my ex husband while Margo was occupied with Dora the Explorer.  Ivan and I have had a very tumultuous relationship but, for Margo's sake we are on friendly terms.  He sounded extremely surprised when I told him of my confusion over the moose.  Actually, he sounded almost embarrassed when he explained that Vicky was his new girlfriend and that he "may" have called her his MUSE in front of our daughter.  Alright, so my blood was boiling.  It seems like every time Margo has an overnight visit with her father some new woman is also included.  I guess his starving artist, brooding nature was a successful pick up.  When I look back on our relationship, I think to myself that I was once his muse.  Happily in fact.  I guess after having Margo I realized that I needed a more stable partner.  Our differences weren't something that worked anymore.  I've managed to have a string of relationships in the 3 years since our divorce but, nothing as intense as my relationship was with Ivan. 
Karen said that I've become incredibly guarded and that I shouldn't be angry with Ivan for moving on.  I guess maybe it is my own fault.  I just expect a lot for myself.  I do still believe I'm a princess, in my mid thirties with a 4 year old. Can I still meet my prince charming?  It will be my mission to find out.  It's time to bring sexy back.

Wine and cheese

My darling little daughter went to her father's house for the weekend.  This gives me some much needed "me" time.  I'll be heading off to Karen and Jade's for a night of laughs and bottomless drinks.  I decided to go to Chelsea Market this morning and  went on a cheese buying binge.  I will have to have a wine and cheese party for 20 people everyday for a week in order to eat everything I bought.  Thank goodness Karen throws so many parties, she'll appreciate my excessiveness.  So, I'm out for the evening...

The wonder of shoes

So, I have decided to ditch my old blog through LiveJournal and start over.  Isn't that what life's all about?  When you're tired of something throw it out and get something new.  Well, in theory that sounds nice.  Although, I'm really glad I'm kept that Chanel purse my mother bought me in high school.  Today at work I was in charge of laying out some of, what could be, falls new trends.  Fall obviously isn't here yet but, fashion is one step ahead, actually we started working on winter trends.  I have to say, I can't wait to "officially" start shopping for colder weather.  Nothing beats a blazer and tights.  In preparation for the up coming season I splurged on a exquisite HermesVictoria II Tote Bag in Orange Taurillon Clemence leather.  I am waiting patiently for it to be delivered.
I have also decided to reorganize my shoe closet. My fabulous closet organizer, Nathaniel, came over last weekend to make room for future purchases.  He's working on more shelving, I am afraid I'm running out of space. 
For those of you who think it's outlandish to own so many shoes, I look at it as an investment and trust me a good pair of heels can go a long way.

And for those of you who feel a slight tinge of jealously, these have cost me many months of salary.  In my early 20's before I landed a "grown-up" job I would go without food just to buy a pair of Manolo Blahnik's.  Oh, the sacrifices I've made and with that, I'll leave you to dream.